there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
