It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
