Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
At least life still wants to fuck me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
