im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
