A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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