they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
