i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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