lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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