I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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