i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
