Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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