Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
