I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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