I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
