I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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