I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have feelings that need drinking.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
