the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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