Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
