I want to stick my p in your. b.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
