I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
