Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
