Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
