You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
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