If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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