32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
