I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
What a dumb baby whore.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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