those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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