If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
