My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you had me at cake vodka
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
