i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
