the condom got lost in my hair
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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