He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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