This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
