I feel like I'm in dance class right now
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
