we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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