Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
