I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
