Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
