i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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