Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
