lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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