Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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