Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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