Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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