my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Randomize
