And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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