That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
