did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
