everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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