i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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