After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
