Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
