hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
