I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
