No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
