I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
